Sunday, August 15, 2010

Wiping the slate clean for 2011???

I gave up my 4 day a week paid employment in August last year, for various reasons, the main one being because I had become unwell due to the job I was doing.  I really needed the time away from working to become well again, as I had lost all ability to focus on the day to day, and to look forward to each new day, or anything in general. I really thought that after a couple of months I would be back on track. I have always been a very organised person and routine is a big part of that for me. But, for the life of me, I just can't get into a routine...the days go by so quickly, and it is absolutely driving me crazy. I started this blog to keep track of what I do actually achieve, and to keep a record of my day to day, as my memory is not that crash hot...I know that I do get things done, and I certainly don't sit around on my bum all day not doing anything, in fact, I hardly ever sit down at all...I even feel guilty sitting down for longer than necessary to have lunch etc..So, why do I still feel that I am not getting where I want to be? Why do I still feel that at the end of each day that I have had no control over what I have done during the day? Why do I still feel like I have no routine to my weeks? Why is the year going so incredibly fast? I am still annoyed with myself that I stayed in my paid employment for so long when I should have left after 12 months because I knew it wasn't doing me any good, instead I dragged it on for 3 years, becoming sick in the process, and it has changed the person that I was...I no longer know how to prioritise,  I can't handle any sort of stressful situation without becoming very anxious and stressed, I suffer from headaches at the slightest hint of stress, and it can be something so small that sets it off, and it is so frustrating...but I think I may have finally worked out what I need to do....totally start again.....wipe my slate clean, and start completely fresh by having no classes to attend, no weddings to do, and no responsibilities to anyone or anything other than my family and friends, and to just chill at home for a few months, and really concentrate on getting my life back and getting my routine back.  I have tried to force a routine back in to my life with lists and routine schedules etc, but it is not working... I haven't completely made up my mind yet, but I think it may end up being the only way to go, start afresh and re-build my routines from scratch.....I think sometimes everyone needs to get rid of the baggage and start, unless things drastically change between now and the end of the year, I think this may be the only way to solve the problem.....I just have to put some more thought in to this and then make the decision.....

1 comment:

  1. You need to do whatever is needed to make you life the one you want and can live in:0)